Shotacon Therapy
by Miss Edelstein
Summary: ... or In Love With Former Charges. Philippines and Hungary decide to help England, France, Spain, China and Russia get together with the ones they love. However, with Dalisay being an overly protective friend of America and some other issues, will this end up being what her and Elizabeta planned, or will it just be a disaster? USUK, Franada, Spamano, ChinaXJapan, RusLat.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! Yes, I know, I really should be working on Tongue Tied (one of my stories with the main pairing being Franada), but I couldn't resist writing this! I'm currently working on another USUK one-shot (should be done by tomorrow or Saturday), and on a story about my OC, Philippines (Dalisay Flores), who is a major character in this story. If you want to read more about her, I'm hoping to get the first chapter of her story out by this weekend or next week! Anyway, before you read the story, Dalisay is pronounced dah-LEE-sigh, and she is best friends with America (Alfred), Hungary (Elizabeta), Seychelles (Victoria), Liechtenstein (Lili) and Belgium (Charlotte). Seychelles, Liechtenstein and Belgium will probably only be mentioned in the story. Also, in case it ever comes up in the story, and the chapter for Philippines's story isn't out yet, Philippines is in love with Switzerland, who knows she exists (as she's friends with Liechtenstein), but has never spoken to her. By the way, before you all start getting ideas, this story has no femmeslash (not that I'm against femmeslash), but Hungary will just have to suffice with yaoi love instead of her getting an actual romance! And also, it's only this chapter that'll be written through text! The other chapters will be normal!**

I don't think we should be txting during a meeting.  
-Dalisay

Please, it's not like anybody'll ever notice.  
-Elizabeta

Still.  
-Dalisay

You're so stubborn. OMG, you remind me of Austria with your stubbornness!  
-Elizabeta

I have a feeling that you're about to tell me something. ;)  
-Dalisay

Yep! I got my yaoi fix! EEEEEEEPPPPPP!  
-Elizabeta

Prussia and Austria? :D  
-Dalisay

Hell yes! I've been waiting for them to get together for like, ever!  
-Elizabeta

Can you show me the pictures after the meeting?  
-Dalisay

I was planning on it. I have to show my partner-in-crime (besides Kiku)!  
-Elizabeta

I'm so glad that Alfred was able to get me into World Meetings.  
-Dalisay

He's been your best friend way longer than me, hasn't he?  
-Elizabeta

Well, yes, but I love you both equally. :D  
-Dalisay

Speaking of America, who do you think would top? America or England? ;D  
-Elizabeta

Why England?  
-Dalisay

OMFG, Dalisay, do you not see the looks they share? It's so obvious! I thought you would've known by now!  
-Elizabeta

Well, I did know, but I don't trust England with Alfred.  
-Dalisay

Why not? England's a gentleman, and he's not a pervert like France!  
-Elizabeta

I'm glad that England's not a pervert, but I still don't trust him with Alfred. I've seen Alfred at his worst, and I know he's still heartbroken over him.  
-Dalisay

Really? That's so cute!  
-Elizabeta

You call crying over someone for centuries 'cute'?  
-Dalisay

Well, not cute, but I think it's romantic, in a sense. We should totally get them together!  
-Elizabeta

I don't know. I don't trust England. No matter how much of a gentleman he is, he's much older than Alfred and he doesn't know how innocent Alfred really is.  
-Dalisay

How innocent? ;)  
-Elizabeta

He's never been kissed, and he's never had sex. I don't want England taking advantage of him. Alfred's like a brother to me.  
-Dalisay

I know you're protective over America, but don't you think you're going a bit overboard?  
-Elizabeta

No. I don't want England hurting him again.  
-Dalisay

But don't you want to see America happy? You know he'll be happy with England.  
-Elizabeta

I know, but still. What if he just wants to use Alfred?  
-Dalisay

I doubt it. I've seen the way he cares for America. Besides, how is America the one who's hurt? America rebelled against England in the Revolutionary War.  
-Elizabeta

Alfred rebelled because his people wanted him too, and because he knew that if he stayed a colony of England's, England would never see him as anything but a little brother. Alfred's loved England since he was a colony.  
-Dalisay

All the more reason to get them together.  
-Elizabeta

Hungary.  
-Dalisay

Philippines.  
-Elizabeta

Elizabeta.  
-Dalisay

But that's so romantic! America rebelled because of his loyalty to his people and because he wanted to be more than a little brother to England! OMG, that's so beautiful!  
-Elizabeta

It's romantic, but I'll never trust England, even if you pay me, or give me all the shark and calamari in the world.  
-Dalisay

All right, I'm not going to argue with you, but I will convince you that you should let America be with England.  
-Elizabeta

Not anytime in the near future.  
-Dalisay

You're so difficult sometimes!  
-Elizabeta

I get that from Alfred.  
-Dalisay

I can tell. OMG, look at Spain and Romano!  
-Elizabeta

Spain's totally making googly-eyes with Romano, his "Lovi"!  
-Dalisay

IKR!  
-Elizabeta

Look at France. He's totally checking out Mattie! Not sure if I'm glad or not. I mean, France is a perv, but at least he notices Matthew.  
-Dalisay

Matthew? Mattie? Who's that?  
-Elizabeta

CANADA!  
-Dalisay

Oh yeah! Canada's above the United States on a map, right?  
-Elizabeta

If looks could kill, you'd be dead. And if Victoria knew, she'd kill you too. You know that they're really good friends.  
-Dalisay

OMG, I totally forgot about Victoria! We should totally go visit her in Seychelles!  
-Elizabeta

I agree. =D  
-Dalisay

OMG, Russia's being a creeper!  
-Elizabeta

How? Oh wait, I see Latvia shaking like a leaf. I feel so bad for him.  
-Dalisay

Whatever. We all know that Latvia has a little crush on Russia anyway. Yay, more yaoi for me!  
-Elizabeta

' :}  
-Dalisay

What's that supposed to be? A constipated smiley face? Prussia?  
-Elizabeta

That's me raising my eyebrow. It's not just more yaoi for you, it's for me too!  
-Dalisay

Oh whoops, sorry about that, Phili! ;D  
-Elizabeta

Don't call me that, or I'll call you by your lovely nickname given to you by Prussia! =D  
-Dalisay

You're so evil. Love ya!  
-Elizabeta

Love you too. Anyway, back to yaoi. Look at China and Japan.  
-Dalisay

OMFG!  
-Elizabeta

There's so much UST in this room, it makes me want to cry!  
-Dalisay

How about a more optimistic approach, Filipina? "There's so much yaoi love in this room, it makes me want to cry rainbows because we can totally help all of them get together"!  
-Elizabeta

I like your style of thinking, Hungarian.  
-Dalisay

You bet you do. :D  
-Elizabeta

How are we going to help them all? It'll take too much time and work to help them all individually.  
-Dalisay

What do they all have in common?  
-Elizabeta

I know what England, France, Spain, China and Russia have in common.  
-Dalisay

What?  
-Elizabeta

They're all in love with their former charges. Shotacon!  
-Dalisay

Ooh, my favorite! Well, formerly shotacon for most of them, but with Russia/Latvia, it's still shotacon!  
-Elizabeta

I bet you're having a lot of fun right now.  
-Dalisay

I am!  
-Elizabeta

Of course.  
-Dalisay

Okay, so now we know what they have in common. They'll be separated into two groups: England, France, Spain, China and Russia, and then there's America, Canada, Romano, Japan and Latvia.  
-Elizabeta

Now we just have to figure out which group to work with.  
-Dalisay

I say the older nations.  
-Elizabeta

I agree with you. But what should we do? Talk to them individually?  
-Dalisay

No, in a group. I'll text them all and tell them we're going to help them, so they just need to stay here after the meeting's over.  
-Elizabeta

What will we say to them after the meeting?  
-Dalisay

We'll talk about how we know that they all love their former charges (though Russia/Latvia is different), and we'll discuss how to get them. Honestly, I find it sad that we have to help France with love.  
-Elizabeta

He probably doesn't realize he's in love, or thinks it's wrong to love his former charge.  
-Dalisay

And yet he gropes his friends.  
-Elizabeta

I'll never understand Frenchmen.  
-Dalisay

Hahahaha…  
-Elizabeta

That's it! That's one of the topics we should discuss with them! If they feel guilty about loving their former charges, we should talk them out of it!  
-Dalisay

Awesome idea (!), as Prussia would say.  
-Elizabeta

Salamat.  
-Dalisay

Should I text them now?  
-Elizabeta

Yes. Can't wait till the end of the meeting! :D  
-Dalisay

Neither can I!  
-Elizabeta

**So, what'd ya think? I'll try to update this as soon as possible, maybe tomorrow after I publish my USUK one-shot, or maybe just a day or two before I update Tongue Tied, which should be updated by next Tuesday! I apologize for the lack of updating for Tongue Tied, so I hope this and the USUK one-shot will suffice! Oh, and salamat means thank you in Filipino! Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**OMG, sorry it's been so long since I've updated, but I've been really busy lately! I'll try to get the next chapter out as soon as possible, though I'm going to try to update Tongue Tied first, then this. Anyway, here it is!**

"So what'd you tell them?" Philippines asked as she and Hungary walked out of the conference room.

"I told them to wait in the conference room for twenty minutes, which is just enough time for us to put together the pictures. We'll be giving them all the information they need to try to get them together with their loves, but in order for us to help them, they need to promise that they'll let us take pictures of their first kiss." Hungary laughed evilly.

"I like your way of thinking," said Philippines, smirking as they walked down the hall. They stopped at another conference room, where most of the nations had dropped off their stuff. Hungary quickly took out her laptop and opened PowerPoint.

"You did send me those pictures of Alfred, right? I'm making sure I have pics of everyone," said Hungary, and Philippines nodded.

"Yeah. I sent you all the pictures I had on my camera about a month ago."

"Oh, here it is! It's in my America/Alfred/Hero folder!" Hungary exclaimed, flashing a quick grin at Philippines before opening the stalker-like folder.

"How many pictures do you have of him?" Philippines asked, astounded.

"Only about two hundred or so," Hungary replied, scanning through the pictures before finding one she liked. "This! This is the one we're using in the PowerPoint! It's the pic you took when you two went to that fair in Alabama! You're in it too!"

"Ooh, I like that one!" said Philippines, smiling at the memory. "Definitely use that!"

"Just did," said Hungary, and she added text to the slide with America in it.

"'Alfred F. Jones, aka America,'" Philippines read aloud from the PowerPoint.

"Yup! Next is Canada! Wait, what's his full human name?" asked Hungary.

"Matthew Williams," Philippines answered, and Hungary opened her Canada/Matthew folder. There were only about fifty pictures in the folder, and Hungary quickly picked a picture of Canada skating backwards on the ice while it was snowing, with his eyes closed.

"That's such a beautiful picture. Wait, I'll zoom in on it. Half-body." Hungary uploaded the picture into the PowerPoint and added text.

"Next is Romano," said Philippines, and Hungary opened a folder with about one hundred fifty pictures. "He's angry in most of them!"

"But not all," said Hungary, and she squealed when she saw a picture of Romano with a half-smile. "Perfect!"

"Now Japan," Philippines said after a moment of staring out the window. "Oh, you already picked one?"

"There's only one picture of him smiling, so that's the one I chose," said Hungary, and she opened a folder called Latvia/Raivis. "What's his full name?"

"Raivis Galante," Philippines responded, and Hungary picked a picture of Latvia smiling along with Lithuania and Estonia. "There. All three Baltics. That picture was taken when Russia was gone. Is it just me, or do you feel a bit bad for trying to get Russia and Latvia together?"

"Well, maybe if they're together, the Baltics won't be so scared of Russia anymore," said Philippines, and Hungary grinned.

"Okay, good enough reason for me! And done! All in fifteen minutes! Now, let's see if any of them actually stayed behind like I said!"

"Wait! Do you have any pictures of Switzerland?" Philippines asked, her cheeks reddening in embarrassment. Hungary nodded slowly, starting to grin. "Show me. Paki."

Hungary sat back down, a knowing grin on her face as she opened the folder called Switzerland/Vash. Philippines tried not to drool as she scanned through the pictures.

"How many pictures do you have?" asked Philippines quietly, and Hungary's grin got bigger.

"Two hundred, mostly from Lili. Don't worry, Dalisay, I'll send them all to you tonight. Or maybe I can put them in a slideshow and have you drool in front of Lili, Victoria and Charlotte. Do they know about your little crush?" she asked. Then Hungary waggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Maybe we can invite Vash too."

"No!" Philippines shrieked, her bright red glasses almost falling off as she stepped away from the Hungarian. "Please don't, Elizabeta!"

"I won't. I was just kidding with you. I won't invite Vash," said Hungary, and she noticed how much Philippines was blushing. "What? Embarrassing to hear his name?"

"No, it's just…" Philippines grinned sheepishly. "I only call him Switzerland. I've never actually talked to him, so I can never call him… you know…"

"I get it," said Hungary, and she smiled. "I'll have to introduce you to him sometime. I mean, it's obvious you know him, but does he know you? Actually, yes, because we're friends with Lili, but…" Hungary suddenly grinned at Philippines. "Do you love him?"

"I think I might…" Philippines smiled slightly. "Doesn't matter anyway. I'll hold off my love life for as long as I can if Alfred's is in desperate need of help. His is more important than mine."

"Dalisay-" Hungary started when Philippines cut her off.

"Let's just see who's there so we can help them. C'mon, fellow yaoi lover," said Philippines, leaving the room quickly. She didn't want Hungary to see the tears that were starting to form in her eyes. Unrequited love _sucked. _Especially with a nation as great as Switzerland. Damn.

"Thanks for leaving me," Hungary panted. She had run down the hall after Philippines. "I can't wait to see who's there! I hope they all showed, though."

"I think they did," said Philippines, and she peered into the room to see England and France fighting, Spain smiling at a laptop, China looking suspicious of Russia, and Russia smiling innocently at China. "Yup. Those are our boys."

"Great," Hungary sighed, and then she perked up and put a grin on her face before she pushed the door open. "Hello guys!"

"Hola, Elizabeta!" Spain exclaimed happily, and his eyes widened when he saw Philippines. "Dalisay?"

"Kumusta," she said, smiling politely at him. She has barely spoken to Spain ever since she got her independence from him. It was awkward being near him. Philippines wondered if America had thought it was awkward at first when he was around England as a country.

"Ah, bonjour," said France, kissing Philippines's knuckles, much to her embarrassment. "Enchanté."

"Oh stop defiling the poor girl, you bloody frog!" England pulled the Frenchman away from Philippines and gave her a polite nod.

"It's all right, England. Thank you, though. But for future reference, I can handle him," Philippines said, gesturing to France, who was now talking to Spain and China.

"All right, people! Let's start this wonderful, life-changing meeting!" Hungary yelled from the head of the table a few minutes later. "Dalisay, would you care to explain what they're doing here?"

"Sure." Philippines cleared her throat and grinned at all of them, even though she didn't want to grin at England. He better not hurt America. "You're here because we know something about all of you that you have in common. And you want to know what that is? You're all in love with either your former charges, or your love is shotacon. So basically, Russia, you're the only one with shotacon, and the rest of you probably feel like you're going to be kissing your younger brothers soon, but you're not."

"Wait, you had us stay after the meeting all so you could talk about our bloody love lives?" England's voice got louder and angrier with each syllable.

"Um, yeah, pretty much." Philippines flashed everyone a bright grin very much like America's before turning to Hungary. "But the best part is that we'll be talking about your private love lives in front of everyone! Isn't that great? England, you look constipated. Do you need to step out for a minute? No? All right then, Elizabeta, first picture please."

"Coming right up," said Hungary, starting the PowerPoint presentation. The picture of America smiling hugely came up.

"All right, dudes. This is Alfred F. Jones, otherwise known as America, and if any of you hurt him physically, mentally or emotionally, I'll kick your asses to Neptune, which happens to be his favorite planet besides Mars. No, actually, I'll kick your asses into the next universe, because he believes in the multiverse theory. Because if you even think about something remotely negative towards him, I'm gonna go all tribal on you, bitches, because trust me when I say that I've been there." Philippines glared at all of them, especially England.

"Does anybody agree with me that she's extremely overprotective of America?" Hungary asked, and everybody (except Philippines) raised their hands.

"I'm not overprotective!" Philippines protested. "I'm making sure he's safe! God knows he'd be dead if I weren't around!"

Suddenly, her phone rang, and she squeaked. "Okay, peeps, it's Alfred, and we talk loudly, so I can't speak on the phone if it's not on speaker. Nobody talk or risk being castrated by me." She smirked when all the men looked afraid for their 'vital regions'. She answered the phone and heard a yell.

"Dalisay! Oh thank God you answered!" America yelled into the phone, and she winced before setting the phone in front of England. She put her finger over her lips and glared at England.

"Why? Is something wrong?" she asked, starting to get concerned.

"You will not believe what happened when I was going up the elevator to my apartment!"

"What happened? Are you hurt? If you are, wait for me and I'll be there in five minutes to take you to the hospital! I don't want another repeat of what happened during 9/11! Are you still taking those pills? Did you have a heart attack? Did you have two? Answer me, Alfred F. Jones, paki!" she screamed, and she smiled sheepishly at everyone when she saw that they were covering their ears.

"No, no, I'm fine, Dalisay! I don't need to go to the hospital, though I might need to go to the doctor's to get my ears checked, because you're going to make me go deaf!" America laughed, and she sighed.

"Thank God. Well, not because I might make you go deaf, but because you haven't had a heart attack. Anyway, what happened to you?" she asked, and he burst out laughing, but it also sounded like sobbing.

"Okay. I just had the worst elevator experience ever. I was like, practically raped-"

Philippines let out an inhuman-sounding screech. "You were deflowered in the elevator? Where are those sons of bitches? I will kill them for taking away your innocence-"

"I wasn't actually raped! I was _practically _raped, as in I got out of the elevator before they could do anything, though they started. My God, it was like having a male and female France in there!"

Philippines had to stifle a giggle when she saw France huff indignantly.

"Were they like, drunk or something?" she asked, and America laughed.

"Drunk? More like insane if you ask me, though I could smell the beer in their breaths. The guy was like, 'Wanna join?', and I was like, 'No, not really' and then the woman was like, 'If you don't, I'll make you' and I was like, 'Holy shit, I'm about to get raped'. Then I thought of you and I was like, 'Where's Dalisay when you need her? I mean, she can kick serious ass'. I could too, but it's not very heroic to beat people up if they're obviously drunk, insane and vulnerable."

Philippines smiled. "Salamat. I totally could. After all, everyone forgets that 'tribal shit' is actually pretty useful in combat. I spent a fair amount of time with some of my tribes. It always makes me remember how much older I am than you. You're so young, Alfred, it really isn't funny."

"I'm not a little kid!" he shouted defensively, and Philippines shook her head, amused.

"Let's face it, Alfred. I'm at least two hundred years older than you. You're a child compared to me, though, of course, we both act like children, don't we?" They both laughed hysterically until Hungary cleared her throat. "Whatever. So, is that all?"

"Ye- No! Mattie and I are going to the fair later. Wanna come?" asked America, and Philippines beamed.

"You bet, baby! I'll meet you and Matthew at your apartment in two hours," she said, and America let out an excited holler.

"Great! This is going to be awesome! Oh, wait a sec, Boss is calling. I'll call you back in two minutes!" America said before hanging up.

Philippines shook her head, a fond smile on her face, before she glared at England again. "You dare think of any sexual activities with Alfred, and you'll find yourself without your genitals."

"Dalisay!" Hungary exclaimed, though she looked amused.

England looked shocked and offended. "What have I done to you to make you hate me so much?"

"Mon ami, is it so bad that I would love to see Philippines carry out this castration?" France asked Spain, who looked like he would burst out in laughter at any moment.

"Trust me, dude, if it ever happened, I'd record it and send the video to you," said Philippines, winking at France and grinning at Hungary before turning to England with a serious expression. "You've done enough to Alfred, and apparently you're too dense to know what you've done. Therefore, you'll tolerate my dislike for you and I'll tolerate the fact that I am trying to get you together with Alfred. I think you ought to be amazed at my generosity after seeing you break his heart countless times in the past, not to mention the present and no doubt the future. So, Mr. Kirkland, Mr. England, Mr. United-Fucking-Kingdom, you're lucky that I'm even helping you at all."

Philippines turned away from him, knowing she probably made him insanely mad, but it felt good to get that off her chest. She knew he would have found out eventually what she thought of him, but she didn't think that today would be the day. No matter how good her country's relations were with the United Kingdom, she did not have good relations with the personification himself, Arthur Kirkland.

Before the furious nation could respond, her phone rang again, and everyone fell silent. Philippines picked it up and grinned again.

"Wassup, Alfred?" she asked, and he laughed.

"Nothing, well, except for the fact that we'll have to go to the fair tomorrow. Sorry 'bout that," America said, sounding sheepish. "I forgot that I have a lot of paperwork to do tonight."

"No worries. Tomorrow's definitely a better night for it. Want me to tell Mattie?"

"Yes, please. I have to get started right away so we can go have some fun tomorrow. Haha, I remember last year. Wanna try to throw up again this year, Dalisay?"

"Oo! Definitely! We need to see who can throw up the furthest distance away. At least this year, we'll have Mattie to determine-" Philippines stopped, looking at Hungary with bright eyes. She just got the most brilliant idea. "Okay, Al, I really have to go right now, but I'll call you later! Sige? Sige! Paalam!"

"Really, Dalisay? You and Alfred are so gross!" Hungary laughed before she jumped up and down. "I totally saw the light bulb over your head, so spill!"

"Sige. People! You especially, England. Now, tomorrow, Alfred, Matthew and I will be going to the fair. The fair is awesome. And it's totally a great place for a first date. So… England and France! You guys are definitely going tomorrow because America and Canada will be there! Spain, I'll talk to Romano and see if he'll come. China, Hungary will talk to Japan. And Russia, I'll talk to Latvia. This is gonna be awesome!" Philippines clapped her hands together excitedly. "But we have some major work to do before tomorrow, so I suggest we get going with our PowerPoint. So, let me present to you again, Alfred F. Jones, otherwise known as the United States of America!"

**Philippines is pretty hostile towards England, huh? Yeah, I must say so myself. I'm so cruel to Iggy! Hehehehehe... (grins evilly) Anyway, like I said, I'm going to try to update Tongue Tied first, though I might end up trying to finish this before I update that! Philippines and Hungary have a lot of work ahead of them, especially with the PowerPoint, hahahaha! Also, there are some Filipino words in here, so here's what they mean: oo= yes / sige= okay (I think it depends on the context, because sige also means go ahead... Sorry, I may be half Filipino, half American, but I don't speak Tagalog or any other Filipino dialects, so please don't kill me if this is wrong!) / paki= please / kumusta= hello/ paalam= goodbye / salamat= thank you. Also, if you're wondering about the heart attacks, in my headcanon, Alfred had two heart attacks and was in critical condition (also due to other injuries) during the attacks of 9/11. If there are any more questions, you can either PM me or ask in a review, and I'll either PM you back or answer in the next chapter's author's note! And, lastly, if anyone's OOC, I'm really sorry about that! I think England may be a bit OOC, and I also apologize for his lack of dialogue! He'll be talking much more next chapter as Philippines and Hungary progress with the PowerPoint! Please review!**


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